Let me paint a picture of your happiest life while I paint my bathroom…

… But seriously.

Here’s the thing about mental health, it is absolutely a serious thing and it needs to always to be taken into consideration throughout life. Most people do not know how important it is to focus on or what it actually means to stabilize your mental health until you have been through something that has been life altering or has changed your mindset to help you realize that you need to be in a healthier place of “you”.

So, let me paint a picture for you. Literally, I guess…

At this very moment I am painting my bathroom. I have a beanie over my hair to protect it from the paint as I roll the ceiling, while wearing my nasty paint clothes. I am holding my phone in my other hand and speaking this blog post through the phone as talk to text. I am what you would imagine to be ‘in the zone.’ The zone of therapeutic focus, you know, when it’s quiet and your thoughts start to take charge. I’m crying on and off, having to get off the ladder and put the roller down at times and just cry a little more as I still keep writing this. I’m feeling all the feels, and I’m doing something therapeutic for myself, by myself. This is just a little post to get out the feels and keep inspiring others to keep going with me.

Doing something like painting is better than the thing I would really want to on my down time instead, laying in bed. I choose to wake up and get up and find something that keeps me busy and the outcome this time will be an updated bathroom. I like to decorate, rearrange and reorganize to keep my mind creative, busy and happy besides the time that I get to spend time with my photography clients. This has always been another outlet for me.

A lot of you know our story. But I’m going to get into a little deeper with you from my daily point of view and a little more that comes with it, other than just what you may see through a highlight reel on Instagram. If you’re new here and don’t know, my son, my entire universe, my sweet baby, lives with a terminal illness. After seven years of searching for answers we got one that we definitely did not want to hear.

I was absolutely and indescribably broken. I can’t even explain to you the immediate feeling that came with hearing those words. But somehow, almost immediately it seemed, that weight of the unknown lifted from my shoulders and I felt so free. My mindset ‘clicked’ and my entire world has mentally done a 360 degree whirlwind of a turn from the absolute worst for the better. I’ve learned through our journey that there are a number of things to keep close to you that will help you survive life in a healthy and happy way no matter what you have been through. The first is self care. You cannot help anybody else in life get to a better place if you are not taking care of yourself along the way. And within self-care, if you are doing it the right way, you will always find a piece of happiness.

A bathroom did this to me, you guys. Being in a bathroom alone, painting it and making it feel new again gave me all of these feelings. I thought about many things while being in this room but mostly how important it is to take time for yourself no matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing and no matter what phase of life that you are in. You need to feel all your feelings and except them when they come. Do not hide from them or push them away. Believe me, they will come back. Take it as a form of a ‘nudge.’ This is life trying to teach you something. You are going to need to know this feeling and how to handle it within yourself in the future. Listen to your body.

How do you want to feel? What do you want to do? Who do you want to surround yourself with? What makes you feel happy? These are all questions that you ask yourself when you know you’re ready for a new phase in life.  And during the hardest of times, that is a sign that something else is coming your way that you need to be prepared for. Everything that you go through is preparing you for the next hardship or challenge in life and you were absolutely built to get through it. I promise you.

Many people say that ‘you can’t do it all’ but I truly think that you can do as much as you put your mind to. And what if you throw your heart and soul in the mix? You are going to soar. If it makes you feel good, do it. If it’s going to help others in a positive way, do it. If it gives you pure happiness and truly speaks within you, do it. This is your life and we only have one. If somebody has something negative to say to you or about the specific area of your life, it only means that they are lacking that area in their life. This doesn’t mean that you have to make it a problem in yours. There is a fine line between noticing that someone is trying to help you with their advice and giving unnecessary, negative opinions. Make sure that you see the boundary there, it will help you.

The things I have chosen to do in my life have given me an unbelievable amount self confidence, a sense of power and overall happiness. I look forward to waking up every morning and loving what I get to do, who I get to talk to and knowing who I get to help.

I would consider myself a confident person in general after my past growth, but after going through a new phase in life with a diagnosis like this, that changes things a little. Things come in your life that will try and tweak your way of thinking, even giving a sense of evil. But if you look deep within yourself you will know that you already have a tool inside of you to use that is truly something that you’ve had all along. Within yourself, along the way, you will find your purpose. You just have to choose to see it.

…Just as I finished the last strip on the wall the doorbell rang.

The dogs went crazy. I jumped and almost had the feeling of snapping back into reality from my thoughts as my paint brush hit the floor. I walked to the front door and peeked out the window. It was a lady who I had never seen before but I knew who she was with and what she was there for. They come by with the Bible every once in a while and spread the word of God and uplifting things. I’m not going to lie, I almost didn’t answer the door. All religious beliefs aside, I just wasn’t really in the mood to talk to any human in general and the last person who had stopped by from their group a month or so ago chatted with me for literally 20 minutes. I just wanted to get back to my thoughts.

But there was something inside me that said ‘she’s here for you, you need to speak to her.’

I opened the door. She introduced herself and we started chatting. She was a younger, more modern gal with a phone instead of a Bible. We laughed a bit and in that moment it seemed like we were old friends. This was a way different experience that I’ve ever had before. “If you don’t mind, I would like to share the word that we are choosing to focus on today to talk with our neighbors about. The word… is Purpose.”

My stomach was in my throat. My jaw I think dropped.
‘Purpose.’ That’s my word.

I told her all about my purpose in life, through Shelby Resler Photography, The Women Warriors Project, Owen’s Story… I don’t think she was ready for me to be honest! Haha. She had the biggest smile on her face while I knew I didn’t know emotionally how long this conversation would be able to last. But I knew it was right. I knew my gut was sending me the reason to answer the door today. She read me the verse of the day and I held back my tears. We ended with more smiles and thankfulness and I truly felt happy after closing the door.

As soon as the lock hit, I turned around and my body gave out. I slid my back down the door and broke down, sitting with my head crouched against my knees. I had a hard moment. But it lasted only a moment. And I knew that I was okay.
I was safe and on the right track. This was meant to happen today. All of it.

Don’t you dare rush a thing.
All things come with time when it is peacefully thought through and the result is within the sense of feeling. You’ll know when it’s time for that ‘something specific’ and you’ll know exactly how it should feel when it happens. In the meantime, accept the ‘pause’ that is happening and know that you are okay.

Rest. Speak peak your truth. Surround yourself with your community, your tribe, your people. You’re never alone and if I’m being completely honest here, you need to give yourself some dang credit. We have so much power in this life. And feeling good is absolutely one of the top priorities. 

When you start a new journey, you need to go back to the root where it all started. And sometimes you will meet yourself right back where you started, but stronger, as the ‘better version of yourself’ comes out through strength when you grow.

Please don’t be afraid of challenges and growth. You are becoming your best self. Feel good. Remember the memories, the good, the bad and the in between details. Please remember to take care of yourself. And always put your perspective and purpose over the pain.

Deep down you already know the truth. And the truth is, you were born to be outstanding. And outstanding is exactly what you are, my friend. xx