I’m still numb from it all. But my heart is exploding! I still look back on all of the happiness the community gave to us on that day and it is just beyond amazing. I’m forever grateful of our first year on awareness day, in celebration of our sweet boy.

I woke up feeling like it was Christmas morning. I told Owen the night before that so many people and all of his friends at school was going to wear purple for ‘Owen day.’ And even though he doesn’t understand what is going on, he was so excited. Oh, there were so many emotions. So many. Happy ones, confused ones, devastated ones. You name it, I had it at some point throughout the day. But I kept reminding myself that this day was for a celebration! We made it, we have an answer for him! He is happy and I’ve worked SO hard for THIS day for him!

There’s something so weird and so different and so hurtful that comes with receiving a terminal diagnosis and grieving over your child who is still alive. But at the end of the day, grief is grief. And everyone grieves differently and all kinds of feelings need to be taken into consideration.

We heard the news on Wednesday May 2nd. We saw the genetic doctor and it was confirmed on the 3rd. In the next couple days following, I had set up a Facebook page for him, a YouCaring donations account and signed my sweet boy up for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I remember naming his page and choosing his profile picture and had to just walk away. That’s all I could do for one day, it was all the strength I had in me. And I know that sometimes all I will be able to do in one day as time passes is a single thing, and that’s okay too. It all happened so fast and was nothing short of a nightmare. I didn’t understand what was happening and I still feel like I can’t wake up from this dream. I can’t believe that it’s even real. No one wants to think about setting this kind of stuff up for their kids. And no one should ever have to. But it does happen and it’s happening in our home, so I’m here to share Owen’s Story with all of you. I keep reminding myself, this is real. This is my life, chosen for me and I can do this. I need to do this, for HIM.

After six years of searching for a diagnosis, we are here. About a month before his 8th birthday. We got the phone call on Wednesday May 2, 2018 at 9:40am. “It’s confirmed. We’ve received a positive result and there is no need for any further testing to be done. This is your final diagnosis.”Those words, ‘This is your final diagnosis.’ Final. Diagnosis. Those are the words I’ve been waiting to hear for six whole years. My heart sank while an entire load of weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt like I was flying. But only for a moment…

You are capable.
You are worth it.
You are strong.
You are so incredibly talented.
You are the only one who can limit your greatness.
You are enough.
You are the only you.
And goodness, you are way too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.
Let go of that dang fear!

You were created to be outstanding.
Now go and be the best you can be.

Our wedding day.
Ohhh, take me back. I’m still on cloud 9… And I don’t know when I’m coming back down. I know a lot of you have been asking and we are SO excited to finally be able to relive these moments and share our day with you! A handful of these photos, I snapped with my phone but most of the others are from our photographer. We have a ton more photos, but I tried to choose the ones that helped tell the story of our day for you the best. It was exactly what we had imagined. Thank you to you all who were a part of our day or helped to make things possible for us. And a special thank you to those who have supported us since the very beginning, it means the world to us.

We had many long talks about the difference in budget and everything we would get out of having the wedding we had vs. a wedding here back at home inviting a lot of people to help celebrate our day. The choice for us was easy and we wouldn’t have chose to have it any other way.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Hey guys!

I’ve missed you. And writing. And posting.
But honestly just mostly you since I’m so over the moon that you even follow me.
A lot has been going on and I also had to wait on my computer to be fixed so that I can keep up with posting. I know many people can type just fine and post from their phone. I, however, cannot.

So, here we are back in action and I thought I would start sharing a little more of our everyday rather than just certain topics. A lot of you have been commenting on seeing more of our home and such, so I’ll be posting more of those as well as projects we are working on. With our wedding coming up in only a few months, our mind and money has been directed that way instead of the parts of our home that my mind is in tunnel vision of finishing.

One thing at a time. One thing at a time.

My boy graduated from Kindergarten this week.
I don’t even know how this happened. How did we even get this far? Wow, does time fly.

As I sit here watching him play and eat animal crackers while I suck down an afternoon pick-me-up, a lot of thoughts (as usual) are going through my head. Did I guide him enough this year? Did he understand enough, did he understand and learn from ME enough? How much did he actually learn? Did he enjoy himself and have enough fun through the year? Did I just DO enough as his mama? What can I do more to help him succeed the way that works best for him? This year came and went so fast and through all of the emotion and chaos, I’d have to say it was quite bittersweet to soak it all in and watch him grow through his first official year of school. Now that he’s off to 1st grade, it’s like ‘official big boy status.’ But that doesn’t mean that my mama mind isn’t feeling just as crazy as ever.

Or lilacs in this case…
But seriously, whatever it is that makes you happy for a few moments, just do it.

Life is busy, it’s hard. There is a lot on your mind. Refresh. Smile again + just keep going.
This is just a simple, happy post to remember our quiet time spent in the yard cutting lilacs with the sun shining through the branches + the newly crisp Spring breeze blowing. And because our girl is so pretty + blooming just like those lilacs, it was so sweet to sit back, relax + watch her happiness + joy glow by doing something so simple to help the day pass. Children are just the best reminder in general, to enjoy the little things more. If they can, we can too.

^^ I read that quote the same day I came home from this session. Coincidence? I think not.

This past week has been so entirely bittersweet for me in so many ways. But to top it off, I was overwhelmed with so many emotions when I had the honor of walking through the front door to capture a newborn session for the family who moved into my childhood home. I can’t even explain to you my feelings, so I’ll just continue to wipe the tears off my cheeks as I write this blog post. I’m also a bit of a sap and a huge sentimental person, so this probably trumps a lot of moments so far in my life. I’m so grateful that Jenni + Luke have allowed me to experience not only these perfect first memories of bringing home their new baby, but for allowing me to walk through the place, where I still in my heart, call ‘home.’

We need to STOP.

Stop the first impression judgement, the judgement in general. The constant worrying about others, like what they think about you, the things you enjoy but ‘shouldn’t’ be doing, or what you are doing right or wrong. Don’t worry about what others are doing or saying or buying and please stop comparing yourself to them. You can’t sit back and judge or compare someone else’s story to yours. You just can’t. You’re not living the same life as them and you’re not going down the same paths as they are. Just because they have nice things doesn’t mean you know their past or what they’ve been through. Just because they have a smile on their face all the time doesn’t mean they are or have the happiest kind of life that you imagine it to be. They may be hurting, deeply struggling with something or they may have moved their biggest mountains to finally be able to enjoy the happiness they have now. The more you stop comparing yourself to others, the more time you will have to better your own life. Stop pinning and wishing and wanting and start doing. Stop wasting time dwelling on other people’s life and take that time to improve your own. Keep yourself busy, find a new hobby, make it a point to want to make other people happy instead of just yourself. When you give something your focus, it consumes you and it becomes something stronger and brighter. Fitness, your small business, your home, your relationships. Think about it. Dive into that and watch it grow.